We use cookies to provide you with a better service. Carry on browsing if you’re happy with this, or find out how to manage cookies.
Your shopping cart is empty!
Making your wedding guest list is commonly one of the first steps that couples take as they begin planning their wedding. The question is, who to invite to your wedding? Hundreds of people may like to be there on the big day, but are they all necessary? Will your wedding day be ruined if your second cousin's girlfriend can’t make it? Working out who to invite to your wedding might be one of the earliest steps of planning your wedding, but it can also be difficult. Rather than thinking about who you should invite to your wedding, it’s best to remember the simple fact: your wedding is for you and your partner, and the goal should be to ensure that you surround yourself with people who love you. You’re likely to have to compromise as you start writing your guest list. So let’s start with some quick tips about groupings.
To start organising your wedding guest list, an excellent first step is to group different people. While no two weddings are the same, and your relationships with some members of each group may be different, this grouping tactic can help with clarification.
These are the immediate members of your family. This grouping will include parents, siblings, and grandparents. If you have married siblings, their respective partners and any children your siblings have will also be in this group.
This is likely to include people who will also appear in other groupings. Your wedding party is made up of the people who will play a role on your wedding day and includes:
Best man
Maid of honour
Bridesmaids
Groomsmen.
It can also include ushers, flower girls and ring bearers.
This is where things can start to get a little tricky. Couples with large extended families will have to write a long list of uncles, aunts, and cousins. The key here is to stick to being as fair as possible. Depending on the nature of your relationship, if you invite one cousin, you may have to invite all of them to avoid hurt feelings. However, never forget that this day is about your mutual love for each other, and if there are people you don’t want on the guest list, don’t feel obligated to add them.
If there are people that you've known for years, who you grew up with and maybe even had holidays with, they will make up this group.
These are often the people you most want to be there on your wedding day. They will know you the best, probably better than your family!
You might not see each other as much as you used to, but those childhood friends are tied to your past. They can add some real joy to your special occasion, so if there are any old friends that you miss, your wedding is an excellent opportunity to make some new memories with them.
This can be a tricky one. How do you respond if your parents want to add some of their friends to your wedding list? When it comes to who you should invite to your wedding, are friends of your parents anywhere on the list at all? While there are no obligations, if one or more parents are helping to pay for the wedding, it’s considered a standard compromise to allow them to invite one or two friends.
If you're a member of any organisations, from a local stamp collectors club to a church, it can be great to have them attend your big day. This could be a group you don’t necessarily invite to the ceremony, but the evening part of the wedding instead.
If you have money to spend and go for a full-on party vibe, then adding casual friends to your guest list can help bulk up the numbers. However, these will likely be among the first groups to get cut from your invites if your budget starts to spiral.
This can be difficult. There’s absolutely no obligation to invite coworkers to your wedding unless you're particularly close to them. So if you spend time together outside of work, they are more likely to be added to your guest list.
This will come down to what kind of wedding you want. It’s becoming increasingly common to have child-free weddings! If you're struggling with a guest list that’s too long, excluding younger guests can be an easy way to cut it down immediately. This isn’t an option for everyone, though. And if you do decide not to have any children at your wedding, then it’s best to be fair. If your brother’s toddler is being a ring bearer, not inviting other children can create a bad feeling.
This will depend entirely on you. There are some weddings where plus ones are only allowed if they have been together for a while. It’s best to set a rule for this early on, and it’s simply common sense to add plus ones to anyone in a serious relationship or guests who may not know many people at the wedding.
If you attended someone else's wedding, are you obligated to invite them to yours? You should ignore that sense of obligation. The point of your wedding is to spend time celebrating with the people that know you, and if it’s been a while since you last spoke to a couple whose wedding you attended, then don’t feel obligated to add them to your guest list.
You’ve got the first draft of your wedding list completed. Now it’s time to narrow it down or extend it. Here are the factors that will help determine who to invite to your wedding.
When you imagine your wedding day, what comes to mind? Is it a large crowd of people having a good time on the dancefloor? Or is it more sedate, with long tables and your loved ones sitting in rows? A smaller, more personal wedding will mean a different guest list from a full-on party. You may also consider something like a destination wedding. For those events, it’s best to keep your guest list shorter unless you have the budget to help people pay for their travel.
This is likely to be the biggest factor in who to invite to your wedding. Most venues and wedding companies will set prices per head, so the more guests on your list, the more expensive the wedding will be. Ensure that you have a clear budget outline and don’t go over it.
Once you have a rough plan for your guest list, it’s time to start thinking about the venue. This, too, will be tied to your budget! The thing to remember here is that the venue size can play a large role in determining who to invite to your wedding. If you have a large ballroom, it will fall a little flat with only 10 people. Likewise, if you choose a venue that’s too small, overcrowding will become an issue. Let your venue choice help to guide who to invite to your wedding. And don't forget that if you're using multiple locations on the day, such as a hotel for a morning meal and reception and the church for the service, the size of every venue needs to be taken into account. By this point, your guest list should be more clearly defined.
Throughout organising who to invite to your wedding, you’ll have worked with estimated numbers. It’s only once you have sent off your invitations and started to receive your RSVPs that you’ll be able to finalise your guest list.
Once you know exactly who will be attending and who won’t be able to make it, you can start to organise your seating plan and your place cards. Don’t forget that you're going to have to let the following people know that you now have a finalised guest list:
Wedding planner
Wedding venue (or venues)
Caterer.
Here’s our final shortlist of quick tips to determine who to invite to your wedding. Remember that there are no actual rules that determine your guest list. Who should you invite to your wedding? Anyone that you want to be there. However, bear in mind the following.
If the bride invites every member of their massively extended family, it’s best to ensure that the groom can do the same. There’s often a mismatch in each partner’s capacity for a guest list, so try to keep it as fair and as even as possible. If the groom wants his guests to all have plus ones, then the bride should also be able to offer the same.
It's that frustrating sense of obligation again! You don’t need to invite every member of your family, especially if you're not close or haven’t interacted in years. If it comes down to choosing between the second cousin you last saw at a wedding a decade ago and a friend you see weekly, always choose the friend.
It’s very common to have more people for the evening part of the wedding than during the ceremony. Sometimes this is due to venue size. Invite people to your evening event, but ensure you include a line on the invitation about size restrictions at the ceremony. That way, nobody will feel snubbed.
We all know them — the family members or friends who show up to every wedding and either get immediately drunk or start causing a scene. If you want your special day to be perfect, don’t be afraid to exclude guests you’ll spend the whole day worrying about.
Here’s the thing: there is no “should”. You are not obligated to invite people to your celebration if you don’t want them there. Coworkers, distant family members, troublemakers, people who disapprove of your wedding, or every person your parents want to invite can all be left off the guest list.
A wedding isn’t a family reunion or a party (although it can be both and more). It’s about celebrating your relationship and inviting those closest to you to share in that love. When it comes to who to invite to your wedding, your budget and venue choices will play a larger role than your sense of obligation. Take your time to build the perfect wedding guest list, and worry less about your obligations.
If you have any questions about working out who to invite to your wedding or how your venue might affect your stationery choice, you can get in touch with us using our contact page. If you’ve enjoyed this post, you might want to sign up for our VIP Club and get wedding inspiration delivered straight to your inbox!
