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When planning a wedding, you want everything to go as smoothly as possible. From your guest list to the reception venue, paying attention to the details is vital. As one of the first things you’ll plan, your wedding invitations need to be right.
This wedding invitation etiquette guide isn’t about spelling or grammatical errors (although they are important too). This is about the etiquette mistakes that are all too common when designing your invitations. If you want to avoid the most common wedding invitation etiquette mistakes, here’s our guide.
There’s a lot of advice online about the best time to post your wedding invitations. Some suggest that six months before the big day is perfect, while others claim four to six weeks is plenty of time. Although this will largely depend on your guest list size and how far people have to travel, it’s always best to aim to get your invitations out as early as possible.
Two to four months ahead is around average, which gives everyone time to plan their attendance (hotels may need to be booked, and travel itineraries may need to be created). Always factor in the time it will take to design and order your wedding stationery.
Your wedding invitations will likely have more than one element. There may be RSVPs and envelopes to match, maps to the venue, menus, and a multitude of extra stationery depending on what information you want to provide your guests. That can all add up when it comes to postage weight. Always get a sample of everything that will be included with your invitations, take it to your nearest post office and have it weighed.
If you pay the wrong postage amount, your guests may have to pay when it gets delivered. That’s not a great start to your perfect wedding! Alternatively, if you use the wrong postage, your invitations may come back to you, and you’ll have to repost (often with impossible-to-remove stickers on your envelopes saying that money is owed).
A gift registry of some kind is now considered a must for most couples planning a wedding. Asking for gifts can be awkward, but most guests will appreciate knowing what to get you rather than struggling to find the perfect wedding present.
No couple wants their guests to feel obligated to buy them a gift, but in our experience, telling loved ones you don’t want anything just means you end up receiving unwanted presents. There are several ways to direct people to your gift registry without awkwardness. You can include details on your bridal shower invites, let friends and family know where to find your list, and (more popular than ever) have clear links to your registry on your wedding website.
It’s common for couples to ask for money towards their honeymoon rather than provide a gift registry, and most guests are happy to accommodate this request. Take a look at these gift message ideas for easy ways to let your guests know your preference.
The aim of your wedding invitation is to deliver precise information. The names of the couple getting married, the date and the location should be enough for an invite. That means not mentioning the dress code for your event. However, the dress code can be mentioned on other stationery you send with your invites. This can feel counterintuitive to some people, especially if they have made a firm decision about the dress code.
In those cases, you can let the formality (or informality) of your wedding invites set the tone. Use a more casual invite if you’re going for a smart-casual dress code, or use traditional calligraphy for more formal events.
You will likely have guests attending your wedding who will have to travel. That’s why it’s a good idea to include direction cards and maps when you send out your invitations. They don’t have to be on the invite itself but are included within the invitation pack. Failing to help your guests with the navigation to your event is a little aloof and suggests you’re not bothered about how (or if) they get there.
Don’t send out full invites to guests that you only want to show up to the reception once the ceremony is over. It can make people feel excluded from your event. Always have separate invites ready for the guests you want to invite to the reception part of your wedding day.
It might seem a little bizarre, but it’s good to send out wedding invitations to people even if you know they can’t attend. Your favourite cousin who lives in New York might not be able to justify the travel costs, or your grandmother may have already booked a holiday. It’s likely that if you have a close relationship, they will already have told you that they won’t be able to make it.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t send them an invitation. It’s just good manners and a way of letting them know you wish they could be there. There’s also a chance that your cousin might get an unexpected cash windfall, or your grandmother’s holiday plans are disrupted. In which case, they might be able to attend after all.
Always put the names of long-term partners on your wedding invitations. It’s simply bad form to use the impersonal word “guest”, especially if you know the partner! With single guests, it’s also a good idea to find out who they’re planning to bring. Adding “plus one” or “guest” to a wedding invite is rarely a good look and immediately makes partners feel more distanced from the happy occasion.
Are you inviting any doctors to your wedding? If so, always use the “Dr” title rather than Mr, Mrs, Ms, etc. It’s a little trickier if they’re married to someone who isn’t a doctor. In those cases, you should use formats such as “Dr & Mrs John Smith” or “Dr and Mr John Smith”.
If your guests have to send you RSVPs, make sure you add postage. Not only is this polite, but it’s also got a practical element. Although it can add significantly to your postage costs, if you add stamps to envelopes, you’ll be more likely to get those RSVPs back sooner. And that’s good news when it comes to finalising your guest list and organising your seating arrangements.
Guests show up for weddings early. It’s an exciting day, and they don’t want to miss out on anything! So if your wedding ceremony starts at 10am, don’t be tempted to put a time of 9:30am on your invites. Your guests will assume the ceremony itself starts at 9:30am, and they’re likely to show up closer to 9am, meaning they could end up sitting there for an hour for no reason.
There are a lot of potential etiquette risks when it comes to your wedding invites. Listed above are the most common, and the more you understand why they are an issue, the easier it will be to remember to avoid them. If you'd like to read more insights into planning and preparing for your perfect wedding, why not sign up for our free VIP Club? You’ll get wedding info sent straight to your inbox, and you can unsubscribe at any time!
